Commitment doesn't have to equal certainty.

April 17, 2021

Commitment doesn't have to equal certainty.

Did you know it took 5 YEARS, 2 KIDS AND A HOME PURCHASE, before I finally felt ready to commit to my husband? I always laugh at this because I was clearly committed but my OCD was like, IDK THO. THIS FEELS WEIRD.

My biggest fears around commitment were these:
What if we grow apart and we aren’t compatible anymore?
What if there are better people out there for us and we just haven’t met them yet?
What if we get married and one of us decides that we don’t want it anymore?

All of these fears are legitimate worries that most people have had at some point in their lives. The difference was that I frequently left or sabotaged relationships when I realized I couldn’t be 100% certain about these fears. I also spent hours and hours trying to come to a conclusion about these fears, once and for all. When my search for certainty failed, which it almost always does when one has OCD, I bailed the situation. Aborted mission. Crawled back into my hole away from all that anxiety.

What helped me to finally move past these relationship doubts was leaning into the idea that certainty doesn’t exist. The fact is we won’t ever know FOR SURE what the future holds. There is no way to predict the outcome of a relationship. We can’t know how the future will change us or what will happen. All we can do is make choices that bring us closer to our values and sit with all the possibilities. Does this cause me anxiety sometimes? HELL YES. But can I handle being anxious? ALSO YES.

At the end of the day, a stable and secure relationship is something I value so I choose it everyday, even tho it comes with some feelings of *uncertainty*.


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