Yes, I have OCD but it is not the most remarkable thing about me and it does not define me. I talk about it a lot because when I was first diagnosed with OCD I wanted to see that there were other women like me who also felt as f*ucked up as I did. I wanted to see someone with this disorder doing the damn thing. What I needed was someone to show me that I didn’t have to be ashamed or hide myself to be loved and appreciated and to be a GOOD MOM.
Bottom line, I needed someone to say to me, “YOU WILL BE OK. THIS DOES NOT MAKE YOU LESS THAN OR DIRTY OR BAD. YOU ARE STILL WONDERFUL AND BEAUTIFUL EVEN IF YOUR MIND GETS WIGGLY SOMETIMES!” And I wanted to hear it from someone who personally knew my pain. Someone who knew what it was like to lie awake at night afraid of her own thoughts, afraid of all the things she could (but wouldn’t) do. Someone who knew what it was like to look in the mirror searching for her old self but only finding the reflection of frightened eyes staring back at her. I needed to know that I had the strength to get out of the mess I was in.
I didn’t meet another woman like me until I had already gotten myself out of the muck (with the help of a specialist and lots and lots of ERP), but since I started this page I have met many.
If you’re still reading this, you will get better. Things will be OK. You can get through this moment, and the next and the next. This disorder is not the most remarkable thing about you either. You are strong, courageous, resilient, capable, beautiful, loving, and soft. These qualities will pull you through this, just as they have pulled you through all the other stuff before.
What did you need to hear the most when you were struggling? If you’re still there, what do you need to hear NOW?